Yes, It's back, and it's worse than it has been in years.

I actually sat and watched TV last night with sunglasses on, just to try and dull down the light. I sat like that until 5am. I took everything that I could legally take (explanation to follow) and nothing was even easing it. In fact, i took so much that I began to have an allergic reaction to it. I began itching uncontrollabley. Don't say it, I already KNOW... everything was in the danger zone. But that is nothing new lately.

I went through two weeks of withdrawal from the xanax. I tried to temper the worst of the effects with some "ancient valium". I looked xanax and valium and roughly calculated the equivilant dose, so that I could attempt to wean myself off, rather than doing this HIGHLY DANGEROUS cold turkey that my GP's office felt was perfectly fine.

In the last few months, they had been gradually bumping up the xanax doses, to control the anxiety and panic attacks. I know that Shelly was propably doing what she thought was best (pushing me into a 2mg XR tab) but that seems to be when all the problems started. Why? I don't know... I just know that when we went to XR I seemed to get less complete relief than on the PRN dose. I went back in and asked to go back to the 2mg PRN, and instead, she called in a 2mg ONE time per day. Well, that didn't cut it either. My body couldn't take the shock and went into withdrawal within two days. I put myself back on the 2mg 2x per day... and you know what that meant... I ran out of meds mid-month. When I called to try and talk to her about how I'd felt and how I corrected it (it was outside of office hours) she made a flip comment about "how if I couldn't take the meds as prescribed, then she felt she could no longer treat me for the anxiety issues (stemming from my Pheochromocytoma0.

The only comment I could get from her office, was that if I found myself out of control, or a danger to myself, to go to Wishard's Er or Wishard's Psyche unit. As sick and miserable as I was, I just couldn't do that. I knew from my previous stay several years ago, that xanax detox could take weeks/months. I just couldn't drop from sight for that long, no matter what the repercussions were... so I made do with the ancient valium and gradually came off the xanx.

I was able to get in to see their new Nurse Practioner ( I was dreading this, I don't have good luck when I have to change to new personel)... but surprisingly, she listened to me, and tried to follow my line of thinking in trying to attack this addiction. She was extremely uncomfortable writing scripts for this infamous "coctail" that I've had to live on for more years than I can count. But she did write them. I explained to her that i was scheduled to go to a neurologist in October for the migraines, and was gettting  referred to a shrink for the anxiety issues.

AND, shock of all shockers... i managed to wrangle my way back into my pain management's office, but not until the 6th.... so she wrote for ALL my meds, to get me through until my files were transferred over to the individual docs.

Oh, i failed to mention that my BP that day, was 220/168.... and they tried to send me by ambulance to the ER. I refused, YES, I know I can be the patient from Hell on a bad day. There was no sense running up an ER tab, when I could take the same meds at home. I have clonidine to take for those treasured moments when I exceed 200 BP. And I faithfully promised to take it ASAP and I did.

My only worry is that if they do another random urine test at the PMP's ofc, it may show I took the valium, which was dad's, not mine. Dad had a squirrled away quite a stash of stuff like that. There were plenty of other "pain" stuff I COULD have taken (patches and pills) but I knew for sure that I would pop for those if they tested... so that was why I was trying so badly to tough it out.

I remember sitting here, sick from detox... looking through the online PDR, trying to  find a combination of drugs that I could take, that would cause less problems... and being so outragiously angry about ME having to do THEIR work... I mean, I'm not a pharmacist, or physician... I'm just the poor patient on the bottom rung of the ladder. THEY are the ones bringing down the big bucks that should be taking care of ME.

Well, the next few weeks should be interesting, if I can just get the damned headache to loosen it's grip.

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On a lighter note:

I love Skecher shoes, this is no secret to anyone that knows me, Last year, I took a leap of faith and ordered my very first pair, I was in love. and I ordered another pair. I wore out the first pair, and have now broken in the 2nd pair.... but they are no longer carried in the catalog..... I was brokenhearted.... no, REALLY. Rarely do I find something that fits me so perfectly. Recently I had been looking for another style of sckechers, and had ventured out to other online sites. Lo and behold, I found my favorite pair, IN MY SIZE (major miricle) They were even 60% off. BUT, like a dumbass, I didn't buy them when I found them. But I was looking again tonight and they had them again... I didn't wait... bought THREE pair of them.... who knows if I'll ever find them again. I know it sounds crazy, but ......I WANT THOSE SHOES.

Also, there was a pair of "cold weather" boots that I'd also been trying to get my hands on.... they'd came in, I got the memo from skechers and before I could get there, they were gone again... size 11 must REALLY be popular.... but on a hunch, I checked tonight and they had a pair in 11... and THEY ARE MINE>>>> TO BE DELIVERED THIS WEEK *does happy dance.

>>Refer to comment about ordering 3prs of shoes and 1pr of boots.... high maintenance? Nah, not ME!". ROFLMAO